Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Night Watch

I've noticed that when I'm feeling troubled by something, the night time can be the hardest time. I'll go to bed and go right to sleep, but then sometime around 3 a.m., I wake up feeling a black despair. My thoughts can seem to go a little haywire at these times if I'm not careful. I don't know if the darkness outside at these hours contributes to this or if that is when the enemy zeroes in on me or both! But I have a hard time encouraging myself at these times. Sometimes I will get up and go downstairs or sometimes I will try and think my way through it. But I'm beginning to see that this is a very real battlefield time for me and I have to stand guard, particularly at these night hours.

photo courtesy of Brenda Brown

The verse comes to mind about, " weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning." By that, I think that what I'm experiencing probably isn't uncommon. We may be battling with despair during the day but can keep it at bay, but it's different at night when we are alone, tired, and more susceptible to what the enemy would like to plant in our minds. Somehow, fears become a little more real and hope seems like a hazy dream just out of reach.

I struggle a lot with the fear of losing another child. During the night hours, I can lay there and be absolutely consumed with this fear. I also struggle with thoughts of the future for each of our children. Worry produces nothing really, but in the night it feels like worry is helping. In fact though, worry is draining every bit of trust that I am trying to place in God. Does He really want me to fret and try to counter every tragic possibility with my own thoughts and plans?

No, God doesn't want me or you to live like this. He wants us to experience victory even in these times. He knows my thoughts a far off. He knows how helplessly I can spiral into thinking that I have to figure things out for myself.

I am just beginning to see what I need to do during these times. Usually, it goes back to a faulty view of God. He isn't too busy or too bored by me and my problems. In the back of my mind, those thoughts are never too far away. But through His sweet intervention, I now am beginning to see Him as He really is. He is extremely interested in my thoughts and fears. He is extremely interested in what you are going through or struggling with. He is very tender towards you and doesn't expect you to " just figure it out already".

If you struggle with the wrong concept of God, you've probably thought these same things. But it is a wrong concept. If you ask Him, He will show you in an individual way, how interested He is in you. We can listen to Bible verses such as, "God demonstrated His love towards us that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us", so many times that we forget what it is saying. Are we just part of this large "us"?  It can feel like He died for all mankind and we are just a blip on that radar screen of humanity.  But He doesn't look at you as just a face in the crowd of all the human beings He has matter to Him. What you are concerned about, concerns Him, and what you pray about and cry over when you are alone is noticed by Him.

Oswald Chambers wrote of tearful prayers in My Utmost for His Highest:
“Here is comfort for the distressed soul. ‘Thou puttest my tears into thy bottle,’ implies that they are caught as they flow . . . The suppliant, whose fears prevent his words, will be well understood by the Most High. He may only look up with misty eye; but ‘prayer is the falling of a tear’. He regards not high looks and lofty words; He cares not for the pomp and pageantry of kings; He listens not to the swell of martial music; He regards not the triumph and pride of man; but wherever there is a heart big with sorrow, or a lip quivering with agony, or a deep groan, or a penitential sigh, the heart of Jehovah is open; He marks it down in the registry of His memory; He puts our prayers, like rose leaves, between the pages of His book of remembrance, and when the volume is opened at last, there shall be a precious fragrance springing up therefrom.


  1. This is beautifully written and captures the hearts and minds of what many of us go thru daily. You have a gift....

  2. I'm really encouraged that He doesn't expect us "just to figure it out already". Thank you.

  3. I love reading your blogs you have so much insight comfort to offer to others. Thanks so for sharing and being faithful. Love you

  4. This is so beautifully hones. Thanks for your open heart.

  5. Hi Kathy! I've just subscribed to your blog, after reading your "Goodbye Holidays" post. It's as if your words are pointed straight to my heart! So far, several of your posts have addressed ME! I broke down into tears when you said that God feels tender towards us. I KNOW this, but sometimes it's so easy to forget and feel unworthy and unnoticed. You do have a gift. A ministry, if you will. Thank you for listening to God and writing the words that He's laid on your heart. Someone out here needed it. Very much. :)

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