|My littlest son and my oldest son from 2009.|
I seem to have begun a new journey. I don't know if it is officially perimenopause or menopause, but whichever it is, I don't think I'm ready!
I can be sitting in an air conditioned room feeling just fine, when suddenly it feels like I am at 212 degrees. I am on fire! It lasts about 30 seconds and then it is gone - hence the name, hot flash. It happens throughout the day. Thankfully, I haven't experienced anything more severe than that.
Except that I could
sport a real nice mustache (or is is moustache?) if I were interested. Yea, I'm not.
But the real reason I'm not ready is this.
When I go to the grocery store, there isn't a little one to put in the front of the cart anymore. He is nine years old and now just walks alongside me.
I walk past the girl department at Target now and instead go to the Junior Department with my daughter. But wait, didn't we shop in that girl department just a few days ago?
No more baby food. No more diapers. No more maternity clothes for me.
No more Little Mermaid underwear.
No more Mickey Mouse underwear.
No more Toy Story pajamas.
No more sippy cups.
But wait...I'm not ready.
Don't you want to watch Bubble Guppies?
Now my littlest girl is about to graduate.
But wait...she's my little girl. Won't she be working on her school work in the dining room anymore?
Wasn't it just the other day that she was in her ballerina dress twirling in the kitchen?
Can time please slow down? I'm not ready.
Now there are big people shoes in the downstairs closets. Where did the little people shoes go?
When my 15 year old son sits beside me, I notice his feet. I remember when he was three and I used to laugh at his little, yet wide feet. I used to call them Fred Flintstone feet. Where did those go?
I was so proud of him when he was four and insisted on taking his training wheels off his little bike. We were doubtful, but Dave took them off. He hopped on and began riding and never looked back.
My oldest son had to grow up so fast when our twins were born. He and I used to drive to a nearby town together when the twins were little and go to Burger King and Walmart together. He was the best company and we had so much fun together. He still takes care of his little brothers and sisters. He is the best son.
Our second oldest son is the one I used to carry around in the trailer at Teen Challenge and sing the most goofy, made- up songs to. I can still see him in his diaper as I held him and sang to him in our kitchen.
Wasn't it just the other day that I used to get our oldest daughter ready and put on the school bus? She and I would walk out to the street in front of our house when it was still dark outside. I would watch her drive away and pray that she would have a good day.
But thankfully, thankfully, we had one more little baby when I was 42 years old. I'm a lot older than a lot of ladies who have a nine year old. But I am so THANKFUL. God was so good to give me one more. He knew I would need one more.
He may not fit in the shopping cart anymore. But he still holds my hand. He still likes to sit close to me and watch a movie. He's still my back seat buddy when we have to go somewhere.
I don't like change very much. It is kind of hard to see myself about to go through this big change that is occurring.
But I know that God is able to keep that which I have committed to Him.
Don't wish for time to go faster. Don't wish away your life. Enjoy your day to day life with your little ones. Hold their hands and be in the present. Look at their chunky little legs and their dimpled little hands and enjoy
Someday I will have grandkids and then I will get to experience this wonder all over again.
I can't wait!
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