God Gets Your Question Marks

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I have a funny way of thinking a lot of times, I guess. Since I am a teacher, I will read something and will think about it from a teacher point of view.

This morning, I was thinking about ideas for practicing punctuation for a 10 year old. As I sat and thought about it, I felt  God suddenly and quite unexpectedly speak to my heart. Who would've thought? It didn't exactly seem like a God moment.

I felt like God said, "I'm interested in punctuation." It certainly wasn't what I was expecting God to say. I barely care about punctuation. Well, I do really. But why would God? It wouldn't seem to make the cut in the book Things God Cares About. 

But God definitely does have an interest in punctuation when it comes to our lives, if you think about it.

A lot of times I feel like there is a big question mark over my head in regards to my daughter's health and our little boy. (Our daughter has cerebral palsy and our son has a rare genetic disorder.)

There's always been a, "Why God?" in regards to Elisa and now, Nathaniel. I think I will always have the question, "Why? Just why?" 

I don't know. I may never know. I know that God sees that giant question mark in my heart. He isn't uncaring or distant. He sees and knows. He just hasn't answered in the way I would like. But I always (at least I try) to counteract that "Why" with the words, "I trust You. I know You. You are kind and good. I don't understand at all. But I know this about You. I can trust You." 

I think I can say that God and I are close friends.  I've said before that walking this dark and uncertain road with Him has caused me to draw close to Him. I'm afraid a lot of the times, but He walks very close with me always. Sometimes I've plopped down on the side of the road and said,"I'm stopping here. You go on without me." But He always waits until I sigh and get back up again. Where else would I go? And who else could I possibly walk with?

Sometimes we put a period where there shouldn't be one at all. We may think a chapter in our lives is done and finished. But God may not want a period there. 

A period is a full stop. It marks the end of a sentence. It marks the end of an idea or a thought. It marks the end of an action.

Maybe it isn't time to place a period. God may have other ideas for you. You just don't know it yet. 

Instead of a period, perhaps there should just be a comma. A comma indicates a pause.  Maybe some time just needs to pass - time brings clarity and healing. I'd like to tell you that the pause won't be for long, but I couldn't promise you that. But I can say that where there is a pause, there is hope.

But when God thinks about you, whoever you are reading this right now, He definitely thinks of you with an exclamation mark. An exclamation mark signifies intensity of emotion. God doesn't think of you and think nothing. He takes great delight in you. The way you think, the way you look, the way you laugh...you are an infinite joy and delight to Him, whether you think so or not. Maybe you think that God could never love you. Ask Him to show you the truth of how much He cares. The Bible says that God demonstrated His love for us, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. But I think you can also ask God to show you how He feels about YOU. You are definitely an exclamation mark.

This was a strange train of thought, I guess.  If you think about it, God is interested in all kinds of things that we may not even think about. He loves science. He created our bodies, the planets, He hung the stars in the sky and calls them by name. The winds and the seas obey Him. Why wouldn't He have an interest in punctuation? :)

Punctuation in writing shows the intent of the author. In writing, you are not privy to the inflection of the speaker's voice or their body language. You have to use the punctuation as the guideline as to what the meaning of the words are.

 If someone forgets punctuation in their writing, it can change the entire meaning of what is being said.




We can look at our situations, but easily misinterpret the Divine intent behind it. We can look at circumstances and misunderstand what God is doing. Without punctuation, our writing is merely words that can be interpreted numerous ways. When you trust the heart of the Writer,  you can trust that His intent towards you is only good (and we know He doesn't mean to eat grandpa!)

Class, let's review:)

1. Don't put a period in too hastily. It may not be the end just yet. Allow God the final say in the matter.

2. A comma means a pause. Maybe God has you on the pause mode right now, but it won't last forever.

3. God can handle your question marks. He may answer your, "Why?" either directly or indirectly. But He also may remain silent on the matter. It's very possible.

4. You are definitely an exclamation mark to the One who loves you the most.

Hopefully, you will never look at an exclamation mark in the same way again!

Have a beautiful August, friend!

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The Faithful Hand of God

I will be very open and honest here today with you.

A few months ago, I was reading some materials from Joyce Meyer ( a very gifted Bible teacher). I was holding a sheet of declarations to speak over your household. If you don't know what declarations are, they are simply statements that you are making, by faith - things you are declaring over your home, that you are believing for. It may be things you are believing for that, except for God, seem to have no chance of taking place. For instance, you may make a declaration about a child who has drifted away from things you have taught and instilled within them. You may stand in their room and declare over them (when they aren't present), the things you believe over them, such as, "No weapon formed against you shall prosper." Or you may walk around your home and say about an impossible situation, "Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord."  That is just one example. You are stating and declaring God's word over a situation.

Anyway, I was holding this paper full of examples of declarations for my family. For a few days, I stood in my husband's home office, and said these things out loud with all the faith I had. Almost immediately after doing this, I had an appointment to take my youngest son to an ear specialist. He had been having severe drainage in one ear and antibiotics hadn't seemed to help him. I was shocked to the very core of my being when they did a CAT scan and saw a growth in his left ear. This growth was essentially taking out the hearing parts of that ear.

Was I full of faith? Did I go back in my husband's office and continue to make declarations of faith?

No.

My exact words were, "Man alive, I'm not doing that again."

I was just so shell shocked by this turn of events.

I really shouldn't have been.

I still kind of live in a world where if I do good, then good, lovely things will always happen to me. I really tend to believe that.

But what I was saying out loud was having an effect. It's just that my statements weren't going unchallenged. I was being met by a very real opponent.

I was talking with my husband last night. I was so discouraged. I have tried to stand in faith over several issues in our home, and yet, to the outward eye, there is no change. Dave was trying to explain some very basic, biblical principles to me, but he may as well have been discussing the theory for the atomic bomb. I kept thinking, "How does what he is saying relate to my problem?"  It really was good advice-advice I'm trying to put into place this morning. But, I didn't really want advice. I just wanted the problem to be fixed.

I walked around talking with God this morning. The disappointments, the discouragement, the agony of waiting and not really knowing if anything at all will change. There is also this deep disappointment in myself. Faith is kind of exhausting sometimes and I really feel like packing it in today.

I thought back to a time, several years ago, when I was standing in faith for something.

Now I am on the other side of that prayer.

What I was standing for really did happen.

So, I went back to that old verse that I have always loved.

Romans 4:20 says about Abraham that he "staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully persuaded that what He had promised, He was also able to perform."

I can't tell you how many times I would go back to that verse (years ago, when I was about 19 yrs. old), say it over and over to myself and simply believe, even though my outward circumstances didn't seem to change very much.

And then, suddenly, they did change.

Now, all these years later, I look back and can see the faithful hand of God.

I know it is hard going it alone, when you look around and know that there isn't anyone who understands a whole lot about your situation. You may be in a hard situation, too, today.

Let us bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.

I am guilty, too. At times, I have tried to share the deepest concerns of my heart, but met with an averting of the eyes, as if they can't connect a Christian with having problems or discussing them.. I should keep searching for a safe listener, rather than giving up. Or if someone else has a problem that seems too big for me to take in, I need to let them simply know that I am there for them, too. I may not know what to do for them, but I can listen and pray. Sometimes, that is all you can do. Sometimes, you can't fix their problem and they can't fix yours. But we can bear each other's burdens.

There really isn't a perfect Christian or a perfect person in this entire world. We all have problems. Some major and some smaller. Unfortunately, some will never show their problems at all. Some will. Some are hurting right now and have no idea what to do and feel they have no where to turn.

If I look around and see seemingly problem-less people, it sends a wrong message. On the other hand, this isn't written so you can unload everything about everyone to someone. Use discretion.

But if you are facing something that seems insurmountable, share it with someone, and then begin the hard part. The very hard part that I wish wasn't hard. But it is.

Believing for the impossible is hard work.

Standing in faith is hard work.

Getting up and going to bed and seeing no change is discouraging.

It isn't all butterflies and sunsets and pretty things. I wish it was!

But now I go back to that verse that I've always loved and begin there again today.

She staggered not at the promise of God, but she was strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully persuaded, that what He had promised, He would also be able to  perform for her." A little paraphrased, but it helps me:)

I stand alongside you today if you too are in the middle of a battle that seems to have no end. Health issues are the worst, aren't they? There is no magic wand to wave them away. They are always right there staring you in the face.

But I stand with you, anyway. I believe that great things will happen in your situation this year.

For some reason, I was thinking about our trip to New York City this morning. I was remembering when my husband and I were walking across the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a beautiful, sunny October day and I was so very happy. But as we were walking with a rather large group of people all around us, I looked out over the majestic buildings and beautiful scenery and suddenly felt God's heart for people of that city. I prayed to myself as we walked (actually I was talking out loud in a low voice, but I don't think anyone noticed) that God would meet every person there right where they were. It is such a vast place, but God was aware of every person living there.

I mention this just to say that God is interested in what you are going through. The world is so big, but He created the world. I don't have answers, but He does. I think He delights when, even in the depths of our turmoil, we simply try and grab hold of what He has said, and just believe. Even in the most shaky and small belief, He will take that and perform what we can't.

I send much love to each one of you today!


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Saying the Right Thing to Ourselves

I believe that God still speaks to us today. Sometimes God has spoken to me in the middle of the night - not audibly, but in my spirit. I tend to be a very visual person though, and more often than not, God has spoken to me while watching something beautiful, whether it be a sunset or looking up at the stars, or on a couple of occasions, a movie I was watching.

I also believe that at times, God can have someone else share a word with you which will encourage or help you.  This word of knowledge could be defined as:

Supernatural insight about something that you would not know outside of God's intervention. It is one of the gifts of the Spirit as stated in I Cor. 12.

   
That probably sounds really strange to some of you reading or it may intrigue you. Either way, it is an amazing thing, isn't it? It is an amazing thing that the Creator of the Universe would be very interested in speaking to me or you. But He is. He is extremely interested in you and what is going on in your heart and life right now.

But for some reason, I rarely receive a word like that. I've been in services where people all around me are called out and have some great word spoken over them, but, by and large, that doesn't happen to me. I'm not sure why that is, but I've come to the conclusion that it isn't worth getting all discouraged about.  Those kind of things are great when they do happen, and can be extremely encouraging,  but they just don't happen to me a lot. So, I thought I would tell you what I do.

I speak encouraging words over myself. I make declarations over myself and my family. I say what I know that God is saying over all of us.

I haven't read Joel Osteen's book on making declarations, but I do agree with this practice wholeheartedly! One thing that Joel has said that I read recently was this, " You send your words out in the direction you want your life to go." I believe that. The Bible says that "Life and death are in the power of the tongue." That is pretty powerful if you stop and think about it. Both of those things are in our mouth at any given time. We have to put some thought into what we are saying.

If this were a class (making declarations), I would still be in elementary school.  I am still reining in the wrong sentences that I throw out there sometimes, and replacing them with words of faith. It hasn't been easy! I think that it requires little effort to be negative, but a whole lot of effort to replace the negative words with positive ones.

So, this is what I do.

When I feel or sense a cloud of discouragement, gloom, or despair coming around, I say things "out loud" to counteract those feelings or thoughts. I recently downloaded some declarations from Joyce Meyer's website. For example, here are some things that I state out loud.

1. I don't have the spirit of fear, but of power  and love and a sound mind.
2. I have compassion and understanding for all people.
3. I know God's voice and I always obey what He tells me.
4. I cast all my care on the Lord for He cares for me.

Sometimes your thoughts can be suddenly hijacked and you can feel yourself spirally down quickly. I know that has happened to me. This is when it is particularly crucial to state God's word out loud:

2 Cor. 10:5    Satan, you are a liar. There is nothing true in you. I will not receive or believe your lie in the name of Jesus.

1 John 4:4    I remind you that it is written. He that is within me is greater than he that is in the world. I command you to leave me in the name of Jesus.

At times, I just speak encouraging things over myself and my children as I pray. I've always liked the scripture that says, "But David encouraged himself in the Lord." I Sam. 30:6. If you haven't received any encouragment in what feels like a long time, speak encouraging words over yourself. Things like:

1 .God is interested in my dreams coming true. He will absolutely see my dreams through.

2. My children will, without question, fulfill the destiny that God has for their lives.

3. God is proud of me. God has a plan for my life. He has not forgotten me.

This has really helped me. I also practice saying things out loud to my children. Recently, I told one of my kids,

"I believe you will travel the world and not have an ordinary life."  (I wasn't just pulling this out of thin air. I really do think this.)

There is power in declaring good things over your children. Again, life and death are in the POWER of the tongue. I so much want to get better at this.

Perhaps this won't seem very helpful to you if things are going well, but if you find yourself in a rough spot, try and remember what I'm telling you right now. It will help you and make a difference. God's word is very powerful. It isn't like any other book. There is power behind the words that God says over you. Think about this verse when you feel afraid:



So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

No matter what may be occurring in your life right now, begin to train yourself in saying what God is saying about you and your circumstance. His heart is full of love and concern for you today. He isn't too busy or distant. He really cares.

Sending each one reading lots of love today!

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My Reality and My Faith

I'm re-publishing this particular post for a link up with Kelly's Korner Blog. Today's link up is for parents with special needs kids. It is my heartfelt prayer that it may encourage someone else reading today. I send you much love!

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 If you've read my blog at all, you may have seen the "About Me" section on the sidebar. It says that I'm married to a pastor, but don't have a perfect life. (Who does, right?) But I wanted to share a little bit more about myself and why I had wanted to share those particular words.

 We have had had seven children. Our second son passed away when he was four, due to respiratory complications associated with cerebral palsy. His twin sister is now 22 years old. She too has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair. Our youngest child, who is 8 yrs. old, has a rare, genetic disorder which requires him to have a g-tube to help with his nutrition and medications. Other than being very thin, he is a normal, happy-go-lucky little boy who loves NFL football and NBA basketball. Even though I am married to a pastor and have a personal belief that God still heals today, I find myself in this situation with the health of my own children. I have shared before that I have struggled with despair and doubt, but ultimately, my faith rests in the character of God. I know Him, and I have experienced His kindness and beautiful mercy in my life. Have my personal faith struggles ceased? No! I would never mislead you that I have it all together and have this heartache all figured out.

Can I share an example with you? 

Just a few weeks ago, I stood in a hospital room with my husband to visit a baby in our congregation. My heart was so heavy as we stood in the room. He was just the most beautiful little baby who was born with serious, life threatening medical issues. We gathered around to pray for him and as I earnestly prayed for his healing, I was suddenly bombarded with this thought..."Will God heal this child, but not mine?" I pushed that thought out of my mind, but it came back with a vengeance. "Will God heal their child, but not yours?" Inside my heart, I had to stand back a moment to try and answer that question. I hope that you believe me when I say that with all my heart,  I was (and am) praying for this baby to be made totally well. But, what if he was healed? And what if I went home to my daughter who still sits in her wheelchair - unchanged. What then?

This terrible pain seemed to settle on me. I didn't know the answer to the "What then?" except that I would have to walk it out. There just wouldn't be a way around it. There would be rejoicing in my heart for someone else's child, but it would coexist with pain for my child.

I have to keep coming back to this one thing. When I strip everything else away, and I just look at Jesus, my heart is comforted. He has made Himself very real to me, particularly in the last four years. I used to try my best to know Jesus, but it seemed I kept running up against a religious figure. My reference point to Him was more or less at the point of my salvation experience. That just isn't enough. He needs to become a real, living person to us who walks with us and holds our hand through every experience of our life. I know this very well, that over the times in my life, when I felt truly alone, He became a powerful presence that comforted me and stayed with me. I know that I can trust Him.

A couple of weeks ago during the worship service at our church, people came up front who needed prayer.  I usually don't go and pray for people unless they ask me to. Part of the reason, to be extremely honest, is I wonder if my prayers may be a little faulty. I've laid my hands on my daughter and prayed with all the faith I have, but haven't seen any changes at all.  But as I sat with my little boy, I suddenly saw such a clear picture in my mind. I saw Jesus walking among the people and so joyfully touching them. I can't emphasize enough the word "joyfully". He would throw His head back and laugh with joy. Sometimes I get pictures like that and I am always surprised that this would happen with me. I just seem like an unlikely person to have these experiences. But that image has stayed with me for days now. On that same morning, a little eight year old girl also shared before the congregation that she felt God was saying that this was a day of joy! She had no way of knowing what I had just experienced and seen.

 I think I know why He wanted to show this to me.

I know that sometimes we pray for so long for someone and we become disappointed that nothing happens. I do know that feeling. It's also easy to slip into thinking that God has forgotten us, or He is busy, or we are unimportant to Him. But none of that is true. He so joyfully is on the scene. Even if it seems otherwise! (Faith is the evidence of things not seen...how often have we heard that phrase until it has almost become meaningless. But faith really is the evidence of things not seen! Just because we can't see it with our physical eyes, doesn't mean that something isn't happening. It is so easy to convince ourselves otherwise. But this is the crux of our faith.)

Here is the best way I can explain this whole situation. Sometimes it seems that in front of me is this very ugly curtain. I've seen it so many times that I know what it looks like by heart.  I think the curtain represents very real situations that I've cried over and prayed over, but have seen no tangible answers. But then God suddenly lifted up this drab curtain and lets me see what is behind it...and it is beautiful! What I see or think is oftentimes incorrect. It is filled with pain and questions. But then for a moment, I see a glimpse of what is real - what is on the other side of that curtain. I see Jesus as He really is. He is there with great joy. He is there with great joy beside me.

Does this description of this curtain that make sense or resonate with you? Maybe you have sensed the same thing.

So, I guess my answer lies in this. I can completely trust Him. I may not always understand, but I know that He is very acquainted with me, my thoughts and my ways, my fears and my dreams. I am not anything special because I have children with special needs. I really don't like it when people imply that. It makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes I am a really good mom, and other times I really stink at it. I  often feel exhausted and can cry at the drop of a hat. Other times, it's like, I can do this today!" God gives me strength when I need it and at other times, I think He is just like, "You need to cry a little bit today. It's okay. I'm not busy. I'll sit here with you while you cry." Sometimes I just have days where I see once again that a dream I have had for my daughter will not come to pass - at least, not as far as I can see today. It is a gut wrenching pain that is just as fresh as when I first heard the words in a neurologist's office, "Both of your children have cerebral palsy."  I don't think the pain of those words ever completely go away. But I have found that joy can coincide alongside pain.

There's a song from my childhood that comes to mind:

Many things about tomorrow. I don't seem to understand. But I know Who holds tomorrow and I know Who holds my hand.

I have good days and bad days, but I think the bad days are giving in more and more to good days. Sometimes, there are days when I feel like all my hope is gone and I need to just settle it that there won't be any miracles for me or my kids. But then, the tiniest little flame of hope will burst forth once again. It isn't much, but it's there. It begins to glow and become stronger.

If you are going through a crisis of faith, or a dark time with your spouse or children, let me encourage you as someone who is also in the middle of a long war that I wish was over. (By "over", I mean that I want to see my daughter walking and my son totally healed.) Jesus is there beside you with great joy over you. He understands the hurts and questions of your heart. Even if it doesn't feel like He is with you, He is. In His presence is fulness of joy. Let Him fill you with joy even though your circumstances seem to remain unchanged. Ask Him to show you that He is there. He will.

I send much love to each one reading:) - Kathy

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